Steven
by GloriaRose
Summary: While Steven's dealing with his own problems he causes many others for himself, the gems and his friends. He must learn to open up to others, instead of bottling things up, or he'll keep making the same mistakes. -Takes Place shortly after Bismuth.
1. Chapter I

Steven sat there idly staring at the ceiling of his room. With his covers pulled up, the bed warm, and the faint noise of lion's breathing, one would find it easy to sleep. However, Steven was thinking deep thoughts, of his mother, the gems, just everything. Though as hard as he tried his thoughts would not wonder elsewhere. How he now barred Rose Quartz's and his own mistakes, and how it was a mountain that was nearly unbearable. How the gems wished they had their Leader back instead of him. Especially Pearl, she may not know it, but he knew. He loved her and it hurt to know that he took Rose Quartz away from her. It angered him to know that it wasn't his fault, yet she still blamed him. A hot tear rolled down Steven's cheek.

Then there were the 'gifts' Rose Quartz left him. The inheritance was nothing he ever wanted, though the gem powers were nice, but the problems he left from him weren't. Bismuth. Pink Diamond. Secrets. Lies. That was her legacy, true he loved her that was undeniable, however, he couldn't help think that he was just an escape plan. Leave all her problems on him to solve. He never asked for it but that's what he was born with. What a gift Rose Quartz left him.

He sighed, rolling over. Connie. He loved her, thinking of her motivated, inspired, and made him smile. She was the sun, in his dark world. So he could never talk to her about his feelings, he had no right to dump that on anyone especially her. He didn't want to darken his little sunshine. There was no one to tell he was hurting, and in fact, he didn't want to burden anyone with that. No one should bear his mountain. 'Duty is heavier than a mountain, and death lighter than a feather.' Steven had read that somewhere. It was true, but he would never choose death, he knew their people that loved him and she would hurt them by leaving.

Steven gripped his wrists. He knew what cutting was but was too afraid to try it. He knew people cut to relieve the pain. To clear their heads of the mountains crushing the life out of them. He sighed as he got up and looked for his pencil sharpener. If he was ever going to sleep then this was the way it had to be. Steven found it and ripped the flimsy plastic off leaving only the razor shining under the moonlight. He went to his bed and got under the covers fiddling with the tiny blade in his hands. He realized that because he wore short sleeve shirts he would have to find another place to cut himself.

It didn't take long for him to settle that he could cut his inner thighs, and no one would notice. Steven slid his pajama bottoms down a bit and then made the first cut. What would Connie think? It was just a brief thought, but he hesitated in going again. Cutting was better than crushing her with his problems. So nick after nick, her though almost drained away, while his mind focused on the pain instead. He lifted up his mattress and hid the razor there. The gems would freak out if the found out he cut.

With a mind now at rest, and the slightly worse than a paper cut nicks he made, he fell fast asleep. He didn't know why he hadn't done this before. Now Steven in his mind was healthier and self-sufficient. In his mind, he saved the Gems and Connie.

Steven woke that morning to the smell of pancakes. He could practically taste them already, and if she knew the gems well, Pearl was making them. She was really good at cooking, despite having never eaten anything she made. He got up and ate, with Amethyst—She ate most of the pancakes— and went on with his morning routine all of this included little talking. Like brushing his teeth shining his gem. Steven briefly remembered the cuts he made. He frowned, because that reminded him why he did it, but then immediately forced a smile on his face. He told himself today was going to be a good day. The gems and he were going on a mission, Steven was excited, he hadn't gone on one in what seemed years, but in reality, it had only been a month. Then if he had the time he'd go to the arcade.

Him and the gems soon when of, and bubbled the gem like usual though he didn't perform as well as he should have. They had a mini celebration, well he and Amethyst did. He went home, changed his shirt and left for Funland Arcade. On his way to the Arcade, he thought of the mission. He almost got Garnet hurt for being in the way, he was glad she didn't get hurt. A frown however still graced his face with its arrival. Sad thoughts.

Before he knew it he was at Funland and smiled games till the end of the day. The day would still be boring if only he could have hung out with Connie, but she was at school. Steven could have hung out with multiple people, but no one would cheer him up like Connie. Maybe Peridot and Lapis could, at least they weren't always expecting him to live up to Rose Quartz or seeing him as a new version of Rose—his mother. He really should remember to call her Mother or Mom in his head, it just made him feel better to distance him. He wished the Gems never thought of Rose Quartz when they looked at him. He knew.

The world must have been a blur around him when he walked home because once again he was home before he realized. He looked up to the beach house, he didn't want to be near them right now. They would definitely think something was up he avoided them, and there accusing eye. Steven had a frantic thought. What if they did think it was his fault for Rose Quartz's death. He brushed that off as quickly as it came, but it still lingered and waited. Much like a predator waiting for the prey. He ascended the stairs slowly then came up.

He heard their talking just before they could see him but one sentence was all he needed to hear. "He didn't talk much today Garnet, I'm telling you there's something wrong." Steven wasn't going to walk in on that, so he spun around and head back down the stairs, for the first time noticing the gorgeous sunset. Smiling however briefly, he headed on a long walk. He had no destination in mind, wherever his feet took him as long as it wasn't to the house or his dad. It was Friday so Sour Cream was probably performing at the warehouse.

Now with a destination in mind, he walked a little faster, once he made it he stood off to the corner, just listening, Sour Cream noticed him and waved. He waved back, as usual, slightly Steven realizing frowning maybe he wanted to be alone? He laughed a little, about going to a crowded rave to be alone, maybe he should find some other place to go. What time was it? Steven but his lip a little, and pulled out his phone, nine and a missed call from Garnet. The gems were probably angry right now.

He walked out of the rave, the silence disorientating because of the party's blaring music. Steven took a deep breath and sprinted all the way back to his dad's van. He had an alibi now. However much Steven hated lying to the gems it was necessary, maybe they wouldn't ask? Now, of course, they would. Why did he have to loose track of time? Why did he have to run off after they were talking about him? It was only because they loved him. He gulped whatever the outcome he knew it was his fault.

Gathering his bravery he walked up the stairs it seemed like no one was there, and the lights were off. He relaxed and was happy there would be no confrontations. He opened and closed the door as quietly as humanly possible, and gemly possible. He was about to head up the loft when he heard Garnet clearing her throat. Alarm bells and bombing sirens rang deafeningly loud in his head, he felt his breath and heartbeat slow. The world felt like running hundreds of miles just to get away from punishment. Steven swallowed even though his mouth was dry.

He turned to see the silhouette sitting on the couch. Steven's teeth were grinding loud enough to be heard by everyone in Beach City. Then she spoke. "Steven you said you'd be here at sunset, and it's nine thirty. You have some explaining to do." He remembered his alibi.

"I was at my dad's and lost track of time, I came home when I noticed how late it was. Sorry..." He stuttered, the lie barely managing to skitter of his tongue. Steven hoped and prayed that it would work, especially with the poor presentation. Even in the darkness, he could feel her eyes boring into him. Garnet folded her arms, and he could feel sweat rolling down his back. He needed to act normal if he wanted the Gem to believe his lie. Well it wasn't truly a 'lie' he was at his dad's and lost track of time, he even sprinted to get here. So it wasn't really a lie at all. First lying and now spinning the truth like a top?

Steven's heart skipped a beat when Garnet said, "Steven," clearly angry, her voice betrayed it. "I called your dad and he said you weren't there." All of his muscles stiffened, much like a statue he stood there heart racing to outrun horses. He felt his heart beat everywhere even in his eyes and ears, the thumping sound intimidating. He was terrified. He hissed to himself inside his head, 'you should have just walk in on them and said nothing was wrong, now you betrayed that there is something wrong, lied, or spun the top of truth talking to Garnet. Now you ended up with a worse confrontation than what would have happened earlier.' Steven grimace knows all of them were true. He remembered his case about not really lying. Better now than later.

"What I said was true," The boy said voice wavering, much worse than earlier. "I came home and walked by the carwash. I was there." The last sentence was more of a plea than explanation. He saw Garnet frowned, the fusion sees him lying and trying to avoid her and it was all coming true. Then she realized he would have to walk out of his way to get from the Arcade to his dad's business. Where 'did' he go? They were going to have a long talk, and she was going to have to punish him. If the story didn't get any worse he'd just be grounded for a week. She hoped the story didn't get worse. There was a fifty, fifty, chance of that.

"Well," she said loudly, frowning, anger still in his voice. "Come sit down here with me, and turn on the light." He did as he was told, but his feet felt like lead and his body was still tense. Steven sat there uncomfortable, but really any place would be better than this. The sat there for eternity, before Garnet thankfully, calmly asked, "So where did you go? Did you even go to the arcade? And what were you doing?"

Steven took a deep breath before saying, "I just went on a walk," He stated, that was true. He did walk from the Beach house all the way to the other side of town, to the rave. He got there around seven and just chilled. At least he didn't stay there till it ended. The sometimes when all till one, two in the morning. The 14-year-old could only imagine what the gems would do if he stayed out that long. Grounded for life would be an option then.

"The sun sets at seven, and you took a three-hour walk?" She stated, her voice harder than stone. Steven should have know that he couldn't get away with that, he should just tell the truth. About coming how upset the hearing them mention it, everything but the cutting. He almost laughed, but only in his head. Garnet the added, "I know rubies are dense, but I am not."

"You wanted the truth," He said nearly laughing. Garnet didn't see this in the possibilities, what did that mean. Steven Blood boiled she should know why he was so upset lately. She has the future vision, she should know everything. Then he started to yell, his hand balled up into first he felt his eyes water, "I didn't want to spend another second around you gems anymore!"

He started heading for the door, turned the knob and slammed it. He was surprised not to have felt her grab him and drag her back. Steven knew where to go, the rave, it would be going for few more hours, though it was probably packed now. It always gathered more people the more ungodly the hour. As soon as his feet hit the sand he started sprinting, faster than he knew was possible. The running helped him focused on what he said to Garnet. Maybe he should go back and apologize? Fear of confronting her made Steven run even faster, to the point he realized it must a gem power. But Steven had no time to think about that, he knew there was drugs and alcohol at the rave later on. Steven never was there after nine, for that reason but today he barely cared.

He slowed to a halt, bending over dry heaving. He hadn't eaten in a while. Hunger was soon forgotten when he caught his breath and walked in. If he though the music was loud earlier now it vibrated everything, you could feel it in your heart. There over one hundred people, and all were dancing and jumping to the beat. Steven saw some people in the corner doing some lines, and look the other way, only to notice people drink. He saw Sour Cream drinking. He looked to the Dj booth only to realize it was a recording. He walked up to Sour Cream and sat down next to him.

"Steven? What are you doing out this late?" He shouted over the music surprised, and a little tipsy, then taking another drink, "I thought I explained why you should leave earlier." His world was a little slurred but understandable. Steven frowned, and crossed his arms, the smell of alcohol disgusted him. He watches the people dancing for a second, before replying.

"I just don't want to be home right now," He shouted Sour Cream nodded and grabbed another cup that he had sitting next to his chair. Gesturing Steven to have some, Steven said no but after having second though took a sip it tasted foul, and burned a little. Alcohol did relax you didn't it? Then he had another gulp. Straight liquor, that would leave a smell. Steven felt the repercussion soon, but he wasn't drunk or even tipsy yet but was calmed down. He told himself no more and that was that.

"Steven," He yelled, after people shouted for a DJ, "I have to satisfy the crowd, don't do anything you'll regret." Steven nodded and watch as Sour Cream went and began to play music again. It was even better than usual. The crowd must help him play. Steven was offered a few more drinks, and had one spilled on him, and spent God knows how long sitting there. Shortly after having another drink spilled on him he decides to leave. Once he was outside he could hear the muffled blaring music, and checked the time. He nearly fainted. Ten missed calls and a clock that read one AM.

Steven didn't care how long it took to get home now. Maybe he shouldn't come home. He laughed at that thought, then started to slowly walk. He was still in Beach City's 'Red Lights' district, though it was very mild. He saw a police car turn onto his street. His looked down hoping they wouldn't notice him. However, that was a futile endeavor. Because it pulled up next to him. The officer rolled down the window, and kindly said, "What are you doing this late?" At least he was pleasant until the scent of the beer and liquor that was spilled on him. "Who are your parents?"

Steven stared at the officer, it was too dark to tell who it was, but he curtly replied, "None of your business." Then he started to go on his way. The officer pulled forward with him. Frowning. Steven grumbled to himself about having to bother with 'the fuzz' after the crap he's been through recently.

"Kid, I think you're coming with me." Steven sprinted, the last thing he needed was the gems to to come and get him from the police station. He sprinted Faster than he thought possible he ran down a few alleys and jumped a few fences before he was sure he lost the cop. He sat down in a random person's backyard getting his breath back. He laid his head against the fence. Looking up at the stars, he found homeworld, that's the one Lapis showed him. And the others she showed him too. He got up his body aching from all the running he was doing.

Steven found a street and didn't recognize the place at all. He was lost, and that's what he got from run from that Police Officer. He pulled out his phone and opened maps. He was a mile away from the road he would normally take home. Grumbling he began the walk to the Main Street again, making no point in being fast, or even walking at a normal pace. He walked as fast as snail should have. Soon he began to recognize where he was. He walked to the car wash, constantly looking over his shoulder for the cop from earlier.

Once he reached the car wash he pounded on the door of the van. He heard a startled shout from his dad and then a who is it. Steven yelled his name back, opening the doors. Greg's eyes narrowed at the smell of alcohol. He closed the doors after Steven, and check the time. It was three in the morning and he had some questions to ask Steven.

"Steven it's three! You come to my van smelling like a liquor store, coming from God knows where!" Greg scolded, crawling to the driver's seat. He started the car, and Steven tried to open the door only to realize there locked. He should have thought this through more. Fear hit him like a wave though. He knew his dad meant to take him to the gems, but more importantly Garnet. With how he acted he wouldn't be surprised him she beat him to death after what he pulled, especially the smell of alcohol strong enough to make anyone's nose twitch.

"Please, dad? I..." He had nothing to say, this was all one bad decision after another. Without a doubt it was his fault, now he'd have to face the 's eyes watered, why did he have to hurt the people he loved. Honestly, the only good thing he did today, was not doing any drugs. The fact of that being the best thing he did today was crippling, what in the hell was he thinking? If the was a fast what to go downhill that the way he took, he'd honestly be surprised. And overjoyed there was a worse what of dealing with problems.

Steven began going over what to omit from his escapades today, the drugs, the police incident, yeah that's all he really could let out. He felt like a prisoner walking to execution, he needed to find a way out of this? No that's foolish! That would only make things worse. Face the punishment. Face it and get it over with. Before he knew it they were at the temple. He opened the back door and walked to the steps before his father.

"Steven I know you're scared but the truth would be nice," Greg said patting his shoulder before Steven marched up the stairs. He Checked his phone fifteen missed calls. He opened the door with Greg follow to be meet with Garnet and Pearl snapping the necks around to look at him and Greg. Garnet had the phone and Pearl appeared to have been pacing. His eyes water, tears forming and falling down his face. He looked down, no brave enough to look them in the eyes.

"Steven!" The both shouted, running to him hugging him. For Steven, the hug didn't last long enough. Hist through throbbed and his nose ran. After the hug The moved inside and sat on the couch. Garnet had a frown on her face, that worried Steven after he noticed it. He looked everywhere but her. Pearl looked uptight and relaxed at the same time her hair a mess. Greg looked worried, just like the others, his brows furrowed, and foot tapping. Why wasn't Amethyst here? He quickly brushed that at he saw pearls eyes narrow.

"Is that alcohol," she hissed, staring him in the eyes, he looked elsewhere like what he did with Garnet. But her stare was inescapable, even if he was on the other side of the planet he would probably feel it bore into him. He grinned for whatever reason before immediately flattening his face. What was he thinking? Maybe he was tipsy. Pearl must not have noticed the grin, for how short it lasted. However, he didn't know whether Garnet or his Dad saw it. He wasn't going to look at any of them.

"Okay let me—"

"Steven! Do you know how much trouble you're in!" Pearl shrieked jumping up from her seat. Steven got up his courage to look her in the eye. He was immediately regretting it, "You running off, after what you said to Garnet, and then come home so late! What were you thinking!" Steven was surprised out how angry Pearl was, maybe he should have just stayed out. He's never seen her this angry in his entire life. He remebered how the felt about him. Then Steven stood up shaking with anger too.

"You don't even care about, all you see is a different version of ROSE QUARTZ!" HE shouted at the top of his lungs silencing her. Steven stood there staring at her will an anger that was unthinkable to come from him. She looked so shocked, that he sat down and sighed, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled Pearl." Tears fell down her face and she fell to her knees, shocking Steven. He was at a loss for words.

"Is that how you really feel Steven?" Pearl said in a morbid mix of crying and laughing. What he said felt like a stab in the heart, because sometimes she did. She wanted to believe that Rose was her, she even wished that Rose Quartz was here instead of Steven. She was ashamed that she made Steven feel like that. She promised Rose to look after her son and to treat him the same way she treated her. Now she knew she failed her dying wish. What a failure. She laughed, "It's true however much I want to deny it, but I look at you and think of her. I love you, just as much as I love her. I'm sorry for failing you, and Rose."

Steven was angry with himself for yelling at her like that, all this was his fault. He reminded himself of that fact, every second. "Pearl, I shouldn't have yelled at you..." She put her head between her knees and cried. Soon Garnet took matters into her hand and got up to comfort her. She whispered into her ear and said it was okay, Steven laugh and cried, running his hand through his hair. "Funny how I make everything worse, honest the best thing I did today was, actually everything I did today was just terrible." He was silent for a split second before continuing, "Bad decisions were then followed by terrible ones."

"I went to a rave full of drugs and alcohol, then left only to have to run from the police. Everything is just fine!" He sarcastically laughed, still running his hand through his locks of hair. He then went very somber, wanting everything to be over, "And it doesn't help that along with my own problems I have to have Rose Quartz's as well?"

"Steven," Greg said reaching over to pat his son's shoulder, with a sad smile, "We may miss your mother true, but it doesn't mean we don't love you." Steven smiled at what his dad said. Though he knew they loved him, and he loved them, but it was being compared to Rose Quartz that made hurt him the most. It wasn't said but it felt right to compare himself to her every day. It's the fact that he felt pushed to be her. It felt like what he wanted didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that he became like Rose Quartz.

"I know dad," Steven said moving away from his dad's hand. He sighed remembering the cuts he made last night. He would do I again today because it was so exhausting making everyone believe he was okay. But it was even more exhausting to have the conversations about him not being okay. He wanted the day to be over, and everything at rest. Plus he was exhausted from staying up so late. I had to be four by now. "I'm sorry Dad, Pearl." He said looking at the two family members respectively. He didn't want to apologize to Garnet, however. Even in all this time, he hasn't said a word to her. "Where's Amethyst?"

Pearl having finally stopped crying looked up, with puffy red eyes and said with a hoarse voice, "Out looking for you." Steven frowned, she'd probably come back when the sun rose, which it retrospect wasn't that far away. "It's really late we can talk about things later, for now, It's time for Steven to go to bed."

That was that. Greg said his goodbye to his son saying he was going to sleep in the van right outside the temple, and Garnet walked to her room without saying anything. Pearl tucked Steven into bed, before leaving herself. Soon after he was sure none of the gems would come back Steven lifted up his mattress and found the razor, blood flecks still on the object. He added more cuts to his inner thighs, smiling as he did it. There was something that he could never explain it, but it was peaceful, relaxing, he felt like he was in control. But he wasn't somewhere inside him he screamed about the things he did tonight. However, he was only remorseful for the conflict, and the punishment that he caused. He knew that he had made wrong decision after wrong decision over and over today. But the razor cut that away making him at peace with his life, if only for a short moment. He briefly though what he should tell Garnet when he talked to her again. It wasn't like her to stay so quiet in such a serious situation. No matter, that was something that he would deal with tomorrow. He needed rest, both emotionally, and physically, running can really take a lot out of you.

24,879 Characters

310 Sentences

47 Paragraphs

9-10th Grade Level

16 mins 57 sec Reading Time


	2. Chapter II

Steven woke to a minor headache and a very unrestful night's sleep. He head Amethyst and Pearl chatting, he was glad she was back. How long did she spend last night looking for him? Anyway, he wasn't even going to think about last night and the terrible decisions that happened during it. Though Steven didn't want to get up, he forced himself to, even though he was sore, still tired, and very thirsty. He yawn sitting on his bed staring and the two gems, and Garnet sitting there. He looked away. Why didn't he want to talk to her? He was slightly jealous of her in a way, she always had someone to talk to.

Steven got up and began his morning routine, eventually sitting down at the counter. The gems still Idly chatting. Pearl said good morning then corrected herself, as it was afternoon, and asked him what he wanted for lunch, he said that he didn't care, so she made a BLT for him, and Amethyst some ungodly acronym of food, that he didn't pay much attention to. She rarely went out of the way for the gem like that. Steven soon chugged two glasses of water, before his ate. The amount of silence bothered him. Steven feared nothing would be the same for a while. He was probably right with that idea but he wished he wasn't. Even Amethyst was acting strange, and not herself. But Garnet was the worst. She stared at him the entire time, he didn't say anything to her.

Garnet knew something was wrong with Steven and she wasn't sure what. There were to many possibilities in her future vision for her to guess. Her hunch was further supported by the fact that Steven still hadn't talk to her. Garnet frowned why wasn't he talking to her? She was worried, over something that was little compared to what happened yesterday. She was still debating whether or not to punish him. She felt like it was her fault that he ran off, and she also knew that it wasn't. She was in conflict with herself, it was almost like Ruby and Sapphire's opinions on the matter, agreed and disagreed at the same time. She need to know what was wrong. She demanded to find out what went wrong. Garnet was bound to find out how to help him. She smiled a bit, this must be what a mother felt like worrying over her son. Steven still was stiff near her.

Steven gave Garnet glances now and again, not know how much she was worried about her. But he still wondered why wouldn't he talk to her? He himself didn't know what was wrong between them. He remembered what happened Keystone, maybe this was how Ruby and Sapphire felt then. Probably not. He was debating on wether ask if he could go out, it was a weekend so Connie might be available. They'd probably want proof that he was with Connie, maybe even have Amethyst tag along. He didn't want Connie to know what happened last night. Steven hoped she never found out, he couldn't bare to accidentally hurt any more of his friends. So after he finished he said that he would hang out with his dad, because he was right outside the house if they needed him.

They, of course, let him, and he walked down the stairs, it must have been memory lane because he remembered everything he did wrong, as he walked down. Walking down them brought up hundreds of things. Steven frowned, it made him feel like he hadn't ever done anything correctly. He reassured himself that he wasn't such a failure. But to further his point he failed in the endeavor. He walked to the van and hesitated to bang on the door. Why not just leave? Honestly, just a walk around town would be perfect right now.

"Pearl, I think he's still upset with me," She sighed watching the gem cleaning dishes, alone because Amethyst already went back to her room. The gems must know how Garnet felt, she knew that feeling the same way. What Steven said hurt both of them. Pearl looked up at Garnet, eyes watering. Garnet managed not to frown. "It's alright Pearl, he didn't mean it."

"Well, he must have meant what he said. Though the not want to be near us part was probably directed towards you." Pearl said, teared eyes staring at her. Garnet was slightly confused at why Pearl was mean and brushed it off. She got this way when upset. It wasn't Pearls fault. It was Garnet's she should have known and talk to Amethyst and Pearl about it. She could have stopped this all. Not even bothering to reply she went to a burning room, and sat down, resting against the wall. The bubbled gems made her feel better. They were not 'mistakes' and she was thankful for that.

Hover they weren't enough. The most likely event in the future said that Steven would continue to avoid her and hate her. She did nothing wrong. Before she knew it she was silently crying, this was her fault. She should have known. She should have helped, but now Steven would avoid her. The fusion looked into the future, and saw another future. Him yell that he hated her, and running of again. It was the most likely one. She openly cried now, he voice shaking. She had her hand on her forehead he back arched as she cried. She hadn't cried in a very long time. Not since Rose. Rose gave birth to Steven. He was her Rose Quartz now, him telling her that he hated him was like Rose saying it.

She vocally cried now. She didn't want to see the future. It was lies, this wouldn't happen! She could change it. Garnet would change it. She wanted to stop crying there was no time for that, but hse couldn't force herself to do it. She and Steven were going to have a long talk. Everything was going to be made right again.

Amethyst was in her room, looking that piles upon piles of trash in her room. She was proud of all the stuff she; s collected. But she had no time to think on her possession currently, the mind was all on Steven. She spent a lot of time think about last night, she didn't even sleep. She brooded on the fact that Steven was acting erratically. Amethyst was worried for him, everything he did last night was so unlike him. Running away after what he said to Garnet. That made he feel hurt that Steven was so upset at them. She was glad however that he hadn't said anything directly to her. The gems just wanted this all to be over, but it wouldn't be for some time. Especially after the fact that he smelled like a liquor store when he came home.

Amethyst stood up when she heard Garnet crying, startled by it. She hired to the burning room to see her there in the corner tears streaming down her face. AS soon as Garnet noticed she was there she forced herself to stop, it almost not working. They stared at each other for a good three or four second before Amethyst sat down next to her not saying a word. Garnet opened her mouth as if to say something to the gem, but shut it as soon as it opened. Silence reigned, as they sat for what seem hours, not a word was said, and now and then a tear fell from under her shades.

Garnet felt obligated to tell her what was wrong but she felt that she couldn't she was the leader and needed to show Amethyst she was strong. Just like in the war no one could see you morn or be weak because the team you were in would fall apart. He fists clenched as she knew just what to say. "Go away Amethyst." She was frowning at the gem as she started at her, eye blinking, she was clearly shocked.

Amethyst didn't move but instead said, "No, Garnet, I know you're upset but you need to talk to someone. You shouldn't bottle it up, I know what that's like." Garnet sighed, maybe she was right, she laughed, pulling off her shades to look Amethyst directly in the eye.

"I always have someone to talk to," She smiled faintly but Amethyst noticed it, she smiled back gently. Nodding, but still not moving. Garnet putt her shades back on, the gem beside her may not know it but she helped, with just coming and sitting next to her. Telling her she shouldn't bottle things up. She looked up to the bubbled gems. Those weren't just her victories they were the Crystal Gem's victories. She was still said about the future she saw, but if that future should ever come, everyone would be there for each other.

Garnet then realized, Steven didn't feel like they were there for him, or something similar to that. She was going to change his mind about that. Not just her, they would, she must remember that there are other than her, that she can depend on. She got up, she was going to call Connie and tell her to keep and ear open around Steven. If he was going to talk to anyone it would be her, and she was going to learn why he was so angry with them, and the team and she were going to fix it.

"Garnet, what are we going to do with Steven?" Amethyst said getting up after the other gem did. She looked up to the gem, and she wanted to know how they would handle the situation. Garnet stopped and paused for a second. Amethyst waited patiently for the response. If anyone would know how to handle things it would be Garnet she had future vision on her side.

"I don't know." She sighed in respond, then continued to walk leaving the gem behind. She was going to find out though, and find out soon. She left the temple and was inside Steven's room, she went over and sat on the couch waiting for him to return from his talk with his father. Amethyst stayed in the burning room for some time after Garnet left. Mulling over the words she said.

Steven walked past his dad's car wash. His 'short' walk was getting a lot longer than he intended. He looked up from the concrete when he heard Jenny, invite him to go on them to River City, apparently, there was a part. River city was an hour's drive from Beach City. He debated in his head whether he should go or not. Steven wanted to go with them, but he already lied about where he was going, and... He sighed, "Maybe not today guys."

"Awe come on Steven! It'll be fun," Buck Dewey said, smiling. Steven shrugged his shoulders. The others knew something was off, he was normally more upbeat than this. He looked at Sour Cream he had bags under his eyes, but still looked energetic. The trio looked sad at him not coming. He wanted to but, going would definitely cheer him up. If he went maybe the gem's wouldn't notice? That was not going to happen.

"Sour Cream, guys, I Partied all I wanted to for a month last night," he said trying to smile, before he laughed, "Coming home at I think it was three? Is a good way to get in trouble, I'm probably no even aloud to go on this walk right now." They looked a little surprised, but didn't question it, he told them Sour Cream could explain it if he wanted too. He turned around and headed back to the beach house. He hoped he got back before they noticed he didn't go to his dad's.

Before he knew it he was at his dad van. Steven opened the van door without knocking, he his dad stopped what he was doing turned around. As soon as Greg recognized Steven he moved his Guitar so Steven could sit there. They sat, just staring at each other neither brave enough for the other to say anything. However, Garnet opened the door and said something about wanting to talk to Steven privately.

So he left with her, and they sat on the couch in the Beach House. Steven didn't want to say anything to Garnet, he still didn't know why. He didn't even want to be near her. But he would soon be forced to talk to her. "Steven I need to know what's wrong, why you've been upset lately." Garnet said, neutrality in her voice. No matter how monochromatic she sounded, she wouldn't be able to feel like that on the inside. She was hurt, hurt and scared, about the future. She checked it once more. In a few seconds the future would tell what was truly going to happen. But Steven was Jealous of how she always had someone to talk to, she was strong—fusion typically were—he was jealous of those facts.

"I can deal with that myself. Garnet." He said barely able to have a cam voice. He finally put a finger on what made him so angry around her. He hated her, that was the only answer, he didn't know why, but he didn't need to. Steven knew hoe he felt better than anyone, he was a master at that. At least there was something he was good at. "I just hate every second and near you."

Garnet eyes watered when he said that. It was true. The future, it must be her fault, maybe he wouldn't hate her if she unfused. She could just try it, NO! She wasn't going to unfuse, for this! She was going to try to help he she needed to. That was the only way. Things will be made right again. She just needed to think about what to do. She must tell him something, "Steven please I want to know what we did wrong!" Garnet's voice cracked when she said that. That wasn't intentional, but it was what it was.

Steven looked at her. He hurt her again, why must he hurt everyone. Honestly, if he just left, everything would be fine. His dad was rich now, so he could still the two fifties he saw in his money jar earlier. Tonight he would pack everything and leave. He would use the warp pad to leave to, to, he didn't know! Anywhere but this place. Any place would be better. It would all be over for them once he left it would be peaceful.

Everything would go as he planned. Once he left he could do what he wanted when he wanted. He didn't have to worry about hurt the people he loved. Maybe with his gem powers, he could fight crime like a superhero! Everything would be better. They gems could handle things without him, and he could city hop and live the way he wanted to. He might have to steal money, but it would all be fine everything would be fine!

"There is no problem!" He shouted, standing up, he would protect everyone from his own problems no one would have to help. He was strong, he was like Rose Quartz! He was everything she was and more. That was a fact. She manipulated people and lied to her close friends. The only thing that he and Rose Quartz had in common was their power and strength, and he inherited the problems she left behind. He would not grow up to be something that was even close to Rose Quartz. He loved her or at least loved what the others said she was, but he hated the things she did.

"Steven I am not stupid." Garnet declared, it was true he knew she wasn't stupid, but he wasn't stupid either. He was going to make sure no one would deal with his problems, but him. Steven checked the time on his phone. It was three to think twelve hours ago he came home. It felt like such a short time. Soon it would be about 'short' time and he would be ar from Beach City, leaving everything behind was the perfect way out. They wouldn't have to deal with the 'problem' anymore, and neither would he. He knew they would follow him that's why he would destroy the warp pad to the area he warped. Then he'd try to leave that area as fast as possible. He could probably ask Peridot and Lapis, to hind him for a while. Maybe he'd go live there.

"Garnet, I'm not talking about this. At least not now." He said staring down at her while he stood. He turned to leave and she grabbed his wrist. He noticed the frown on her lips. Steven jerked away and backed up. Eye's glaring with all the fires of hell. She should listen to him, at least try too. He didn't want to talk about this. He needed to plan things! Steven needed to get everything in order, do he could leave. He needed to tell Connie he was leaving. Connie. He would have to leave her behind. Actually, he could keep in touch with her, through phone booths. He'd have to abandon his own for because it had GPS.

"Steven you need to let people help you! You can't bottle things up! I don't know why you want too, but please, you're not alone!" Garnet said rising. He might have to run away unplanned. He'd go to The Barn. He'd stay there for a while then come back. It would be so easy. He just needed to be away from the gems for now. All he had to do was sprint to the warp pad. If only he could sprint like he did last night. Steven had to try! He just needed to stay with the other gems for a while. They'd understand and hide him. It would only be for a day or two.

"I don't need help!" He said, eyes flickering to the warp pad. Now, he had to go now. He sprinted to the warp pad. He stopped just before it, Garnet warped her arms around him. Why did he hesitate he was so close! HE tried to worm his way out of her arms but she dragged him to the couch. Sitting him down, taking a position so she would easily catch him if he went to the warp pad again. She crossed her arms looking down at him, a frown graced her lips. He wished he could see her eyes, it would be so much easier, to react then.

Steven and Garnet stared at each other. Lights when of in Steven's head, as he realized he could give a partial truth. He would tell how he felt about Rose Quartz, and how the gems made him feel. That would get her off his back, for he can run away. It would be that easy, he would have to lay low for a while. He made his eyes tear up. With tears running down his face he prepared his lines. "I know I'm not Rose Quartz, but you always push me to be her, I'm told she was the best, and It feels like me being born was terrible thing because of her sacrifice," His eyes watered, he didn't even have to try now, it was just natural tears. He looked at her shades, there was still a slight from on her face but, it was almost neutral now. "I know you guys wish you had her instead of me."

Garnet didn't know what to say. So this is what has been bothering Steven so much, she understood why he was angry with them now. It was all so clear now, not even her future vision saw this as such a low possibility that it was almost impossible. A one in a billion chance that this was all that was bothering him. At least it was something that she would be able to fix. However, she was suspicious that Steven was still holding things back from her. Garnet hoped he wasn't, this was all for his own good. She hoped he knew that and that they love him.

"Steven, we do miss Rose, but you are one of the greatest things that have come from her," She said, it was hard to keep from crying. Garnet was furious and sad, that this was what he felt like. It was so simple. Yet it was so devastating to him. She knew how much he looked up to her and the rest of the Gems. He probably believed that Greg though that like that too. Rose Quartz was such a good gem, she had boundless amounts of love. True she made mistakes, but never ever would she think Steven as one. He was her greatest gift. She mulled over his words for a second time, before realizing he said Rose Quartz and not 'mom'. She never noticed it before but he did that whenever talking about her. Nothing she could do to help that, besides there were bigger things to worry about.

Garnet hugged Steven and all was over. She never mentioned that again, but he knew she'd tell the gems about it. He has to step even lighter now if his plan of running away and never being found were going to work. Especially since he tried to use the warp pad to leave earlier. Lion. He almost forgot about his pink themed friend, Lion could take him place even without a warp pad. Lion could take him to the moon! He imagined, stocking up on a bunch of food, then living in the moon for a while. Probably no outlets for phones. Never mind that there would be nothing to do up there. Unless he brought games and stuff to play all by himself. He thought it would be better to stay on earth.

The rest of the day was uneventful, he texted Connie and had some idle chat, he mentioned being in a lot of trouble and when she asked he didn't reply. Honestly he was surprised that the didn't take his phone away. In fact now that he thought about it he wasn't punished at all! He thought that they would if he messed up again, he shivered after all this, if they caught him after he ran away, what would they do? His thought wondered to his plans for the rest of the day. He was completely prepared. He dad would most likely go back to the car wash tomorrow and while he was washing cars he'd go into his car if he was caught he would say he may have left something inside it. Then he would go home and pack some essentials while the gems were on a mission. After that he'd take all the food in the kitchen stuff it in lion, and they'd be off, to wherever the wind took them. No gems, no problems.

He went to bed that night, and didn't cut, he needed to sleep long and well for the day tomorrow, it would be long. In his dreams he was falling faster than sound, through thorn bushes, them cutting him, and ripping of his clothes. He soon landed in Rose's Garden, before the fixed it. The statue still wept but it was over him, except it was looking at him, as if accusing him for crimes he didn't commit. He yelled at it that, he didn't do the things she did, to Bismuth, and countless others. It laughed and said, "Are the Rubies still in space?" He threw his shield at her and cut her in half, it gushing blood covering him. He ran away, and the gems were chasing him trying to kill him. The shouted at him and said he killed Rose Quartz, and he should died for it.

After running from them he realized he was at the rave, expect really, really, drunk and using lion to keep him from falling over. Stevonnie was suddenly there tell him, he'd never be her again. He yelled at her, and she cried, hugging a weeping Connie. He apologized but it was too late they were gone. He was alone, with lion. But he soon left growling at him. Then there was darkness. He heard Rose say, like when he saw that whale in her room, "What do you really want Steven?" He yelled at her saying it was all her fault. She appeared, then said once more, "What do you really want Steven?" He then realized he held her word and it was half way into her, just about the gem. He pulled it out and there was blood. To much blood. He tried to get it off him, but more appeared, then he realized he was drowning in blood. Her blood. He was suffocating, he felt the life leaving him. He was all alone. He woke up when everything went black.


	3. Chapter III

I tried a new aproach to writing so it might be beter. Please tell me what you think.

Steven wasn't well rested because of the hellish dream. The blood it, he couldn't, he killed... It didn't matter anymore. He told himself to forget it. After he stopped thinking about the dreams, he noticed that the gems and his father were chatting. It was nothing that concerned him so he ignored their idle chatter, he had plans for today, and if it couldn't be done today, tomorrow. Everything needed to be perfect so he can easily leave.

He got up and stated down the stairs. However, as soon as they noticed he was awake they stopped talking. Steven thought about it for a moment, they were most likely going to talk to him about what he told Garnet. That was the cost of his plan, but he needed them to think that was all that was bothering him. Steven needed to leave this place, around every corner there was a memory; that pushed him to his goal of never coming back. However there were good memories, however seldom they came they always brightened his mood.

Steven noticed they were all sitting on the couch, and staring at him. He frowned, this wasn't going to be fun, well he already knew that but with the palatable amount of tension in the air, it made it worse. What would be great was a way out of this, he doubted there was one; as much as he wanted to not do this he was on the ride. He rolled his shoulders back and stopped in front of them. He could be direct when asking them what was going on but he couldn't be too direct or... To much thinking and planning in just saying something, he smiled before heading to the bathroom to complete his morning ritual. Steven knew he was being ridiculous with the amount of foreplanning recently, he must remind himself that sometimes the best way to do things was without planning out every detail.

When he was showering he realized something, he had changed since he learned more about Rose Quartz's secrets. He had become more like in ways and as distant as possible in others, the first change he knew of was not calling her mom anymore, it was always just Rose Quartz. Steven never would become like her, even if he had to died because of that stubbornness. He shivered, he probably did what she would have done to the Rubies. 'Are the Rubies still in space?' Chimed in the back of his head, except in his own voice. He then vigorously scrubbed at his hair with shampoo, telling himself that he was nothing like her.

As soon as he was finished getting ready for the day, psyched himself up before leaving the bathroom. Steven had on a clean pair of clothes, and was prepared to talk to the gems they looked at him as he walked up to them once again; in Steven's mind, they were glaring at him. He frowned looking at Garnet, she was never alone, yet he always was. He stood in front of them, and didn't even give forethought to what he was going to say. "I suppose you all mean to talk to me?" He looked back on what he said, the voice tone was calm and neutral, and the delivery straight to the point. Just as it should be.

"Yes Steven," Garnet said, looking him in the eyebrows sadly slanted. She loved the shades, they never betrayed her emotions, and so she could keep a looser reign on them. Garnet also noticed the amount of neutrality in his voice. He must have practiced on saying things like that, or planned ahead. It was odd for him to plan things out like this, he must started to plane his word like his mother. She smiled that was sweet, mother like son. "Now, I know how you feel about us, and I just want to say Steven, well love you just as much as we did Rose if not more."

Steven smiled, the reassuring words actually made him happy for however briefly it was, but he forced the smile to stay. 'let them think that is all it would take.' He also took note of Garnet's neutral voice, it was always like that but her mouth twitched to a smile for just a moment. She was in a slightly good mood, but how much leeway would that get him? Best to use it to his advantages, and Pearl she was frowning, Amethyst just looked bored, and his dad looked concerned; he must use all this information they gave him without knowing. He would be able to get his way, and not have this talked about as long as he thought it would be. Now what to say?

"Steven, I know I miss Rose but you were the best thing she's ever given to us," Greg said that trying to smile, but it was only a twitch. Pearls, jaw tightened, her eyes looked a little water. He would apologize to her before she said anything that would be the best course of action. Pearl looked at Amethyst who smiled. Steven was definitely going to have to be careful around Pearl; maybe even more so than Garnet.

"Pearl, I'm sorry for what I said earlier, it was uncalled for," Steven barely stopped himself from smiling that was a perfect delivery. Pearl smiled and relaxed a bit, it needed something more. "I didn't mean what I said." There it was he saw her shoulders and arms calm, and her eyes looked less ready to cry. That was better than he hoped for, everyone had their lucky days, he was glad it was his.

"Thanks Steven, but I'm still sorry for making you feel that way." It looked like it must have been Amethyst turn, because her back straightened, and she looked more nervous instead of relaxed now. Steven had nothing against her she had done nothing wrong. In fact she was like an older sister to him, he was sad he has to leave her behind. He had to remind himself to keep a neutral face. He wouldn't get to carry ou this plan today. That was fine he didn't need to, but her should keep low, make them think that everything was resolved. He had to keep an eye on Garnet though, Pearl had already been soothed.

"Dad, you don't need to apologize or tell me anything, I know you love me, I'm sorry for creating all this drama," Steven said everyone nodded except Garnet. She must know that he was holding back, lying even now, for what she may not know. He needed to stay level headed if he ever wanted to be free of them, and Rose Quartz.

"It's alright Steven, you did nothing wrong, It's out fault that we made you feel that way." Greg stated, smiling at Steven. Steven smiled back, he would miss his dad. His eyes looked over the gems once again, gathering information, they for the most part looked more relaxed, though he wasn't sure about Garnet. Greg soon dismissed himself, and the gems went on the mission they planned. Everything was going perfect. Lion soon arrived and sat down in front of the screen door, sitting and looking. He must have known Steven needed him soon. Steven packed all the things he needed, food, and even a few extra things, into Lion. Now he had to visit the car wash.

Lion followed Steven as he opened the door and began to walk to the car wash. He willed his feet to move forward but with every step he was reconsidering his actions. Was this a good idea? What would they gems do? And many questions like them rushed through his head, he reminded himself to stay focused and that the only thing that would be in his was his self doubt. As soon as he was at the car wash he noted thankfully that his dad was washing Mayor Dewey's Car. He walked to the van, hand slowly opening the door not to make noise. There was his dad's money jar. He took all of it, he needed it. Then jar went into Lion's mane along with everything else. He got on Lion and they were off, to wherever Lion took them.

Steven's trusted steed brought him to a plains area with massive swords it didn't take long for him to recognize the place, the Strawberry battlefields, he heard pearl say it was in Norway. It was too close to a warp pad he needed to see if there were any towns near by. He looked to Lion, he smiled at least Lion brought him some place. "Lion, is there any place where humans live near here?" The creature sat down relaxed, Steven found, and thought for a moment. The people her probably didn't peek his language. Now he was limited to America, Canada, and England, "Lion could you take me someplace in America? That was the preferred and most comfortable place. Lion shot up and Steven got on, he opened the warp once more. Steven came out in what looked like a desert area. It had hills, and brush and dry grass. He looked to the north and the south seeing mountains in the distance, snowy on their peeks despite it being early summer. He got of Lion, and began to walk south, the mountains were be a nice reclusive place.

Steven Soon came across a road with semis and trucks driving on it. He hoped on Lion saying follow the roads in the south direction, which is what Lion did. Many people honked and slammed on the breaks when seeing a pink Lion and a boy riding it. They soon came to a canyon, with a big arching bridge for the cars. There was a sign that said Welcome to Falls, Idaho. "Lion you brought me to Idaho?" Steven said shocked a little, he thought Idaho was some eternal western film. He laughed, what a silly thought, that was like saying everyone I Canada must like maple syrup, or that everyone in California was on a diet. He asked Lion to take him to the other side, where he saw a running track and fences. Lion did as he was told, but as soon as Steven got off Lion left. He frowned, he looked at his surroundings, maybe he should just leave and live in the desert are around the town, maybe even the mountains, and not be in a town. There were so many things wrong that could happen in a town.

He walked into the clothes store parking lot that was nearby, he saw plenty of cars. He would just walk around for a while, for a desert it was even cooler than beach city. Steven walked along the running trail, every now and then seeing someone on it. It drought him buy It took him buy business restaurants, and homes on the rim, overlooking a lush forested area in the canyon, accompanied by a snaking river. Soon the trail ended and the sun was a little pass it's zenith. He needed to find a place to stay the night. He was regretting having everything with Lion. He did noticed caves along the sides of the canyon. He could make it down, he's been practicing on using his gem powers on command.

Steven hoped the fence and walked a few feet to the edge. The sharp lava rock, made scaffolding, to a cave far to the left, that was way easier than what he expected. He climbed down the rocks, and walked to it, It was tiny but had enough space for him and Lion to lay down out of the sun. It had a wonderful view, and it was near a small water fall, there was no stream that he saw walking by, but the rocks weeped. It was most likely fresh water, or a ground reservoir. He closed his eyes and dosed of, he hoped Lion was here soon.

He was welcomed in his dreams with nightmares. He was back on the cliff and Connie was there, she had his mom's sword and it was pointed at him, eyes had a deadly stare. Lion jumped in and ripped her throat he weeped over her, then Rose Quartz appeared and said, "You are so much like me, Steven." He pushed her off the cliff, and she screamed, as she fell. He looked back to see himself, only for the other Steven to push him to his death. As he feel the gems looked over the side at him, his tears streaming upwards. They wouldn't save him, even as he died. When he hit the bottom he was in a pit with shattered gems, it was so colorful but he knew what it meant.

The shattered gems were surrounded in fog, and he heard weeping. Steven walked towards it, only to see Rose Quartz, crying. "You weren't supposed to see, my crimes, all here." She screamed at him gems dust flowing through her fingers, he turned and ran. Anywhere but where she was, he soon recognized he was on the Beach City boardwalk. He spun around only to find out the way he came was gone. He looked forward again, and saw the Gems. They had their weapons summoned. "Steven there you are we've looking all over for you," Garnet said angrily, gauntleted fists clenching, a frown permanently placed on her lips. She sprinted towards him, and grabbed him and carried him like a sack of potatoes or sugar beets.

As much as he tried Steven could not activate his bubble or do anything that could save him from going back to the gems. He cried and screamed, not strong enough to make his escape, or even have Garnet's grip loosen. He was terrified, his blood pounding all over his body, fear cascaded over him washing away everything but that fear. Before he realized it they were at the beach house and he was sat down on the couch. The Gems glared down at him, judgment in their eyes.

Steven woke up, forgetting where he was a brief moment. As soon as he realized the dream was over and where he was, he noticed the snoring of Lion. The beast typically slept next to him, no matter where he was. He looked out to the canyon it was night time, and he got up, looking at all the stars it was truly beautiful. He looked on his phone, twelve o'clock and forty-six missed calls. Connie, he was going to call he, he frowned when he realized he'd been called from her. He knew they could track his phone so he'd move after calling her, and shutting down his phone. He dialed.

"Steven!" He heard her shout.

"Hi, tell my dad goodbye, this is the last time they'll here anything from me." He sighed.

"Steven, what do you mean?" Connie asked concerned.

"I'm not coming home, and they'll never find me. I'll call you on pay phones though Connie." He laughed, smiling finally.

"Steven, you're running away?" he heard the pain in her voice, "Steven you can just up and leave, I'll go with you!"

"Connie, I wish you could, but life is hard with what I'm doing." He said sadly, he didn't want to hurt her so she needed to stay away from him and the gems.

"Steven," She sighed, "Where even are you?"

"Idaho, though I won't be there much longer." He said, he would leave by morning to a big city, live in the abandoned buildings.

"Steven, is there anything you want me to tell the Gems?" She almost cried, he teared. Never hurt her. EVER.

"Tell them that this for me, they did nothing wrong."

Steven ended the call, tears welling in his eyes he never thought it'd be this hard. He shut down his phone, and shivered, it was cold, he'd leave at dawn, which was around 6 hours from now. He pulled a blanket out of Lion, careful not to disturb him, and went back to sleep. His dreams tormented him once more. This time he was running from Rose Quartz, and it never ended, with gems crunch underneath his feet. He told himself that this wasn't his fault.

When he woke up Lion, was standing ready for him. How did Lion, always know what he was going to do? That wasn't important, he needed to find a place that he could stay. He hoped on Lion and was in a area with quaking aspen trees. He frowned, when he was in a place called Sun Valley Idaho, so him and Lion went off again. He found himself in Salt Lake City Utah. That was okay, he could stay here today, it was Monday morning, and he hadn't eaten in a while. He went into Lions mane when he found a Park to stay for a while. He pulled out cheese and crackers, with some salami, and ate looking at the park.

Steven as soon as he finished his meal, started to walk around the city. Lion soon left and he was alone, there was some cool buildings, though it was over all and average city, expect he was putt of a little with the fact there was no water nearby. Steven frowned maybe he should go back to the gems, put this all behind him. No! I told himself, adamant that he never go back. He hadn't even thought about cutting since he decided to leave them, and everything was so much better. True he'd miss the people in Beach City, and Connie, but it was for the best, and it needed to stay this way.

It was soon three and he was a little lost, he tried wandering around until something looked familiar but that didn't work. He just decided to walk, honestly it didn't matter where he went he had no home, however freeing that was, it was a burden. He saw a pay phone and realizing that he didn't have money he sighed, he was going to call Connie see how she was doing but all the money was with Lion. He could call he now and just sleep in different places everyday. That would be nice, there'd be so much adventure, and he'd see a lot. Everything would be new everyday. No, he could call her later. She probably told the gems what he was doing. He knew she would, and he knew he couldn't trust Connie.

He couldn't trust the person he trusted most in the entire world. He glared at someone walking by him making speed up. He looked forward again, he couldn't trust anyone. That was a fact that he must face now, even if he makes friends in the future or finds a place that he'd stay, no one could be trusted, only himself. He frowned, a year ago he was so naive, and now he learned what the real world was like, and he was just like the world. Steven knew he was being harsh, that's the way things needed to be.

After two more hours of wandering, he found his way back and went to the park, and sat on a bench watching people walk by. It was a peaceful sight, reminding him that all wasn't bad. Everything would be better, things would be better, and he finally would be at peace without the gems. He needed to be strong, and steadfast, and he would be okay he had to be. Maybe he should go, back? No!

He must be strong, he would be better without them. Lion's arrival soon brought him out of his thoughts, he smiled and pet the beast's mane. Sunset would be soon and he needed to find a better place to sleep than a park. Some abandoned building would do fine, but it would take a while to find. He sighed, and began to walk, with lion following him. He'd find a place just perfect for him. No gems, no Rose Quartz, and no one he could hurt


	4. Chapter IV

Steven smiled when he found out if was in the red light district, there was surely a place here for him. He looked back at Lion, he really wished he could talk to him, Lion surely wouldn't betray him. Would he? Trust no one, he had to follow that, but he could give Lion some of his trust, at least. After he walked around the streets for a while he realized the sun was about to set, and he hadn't found a place to stay yet. He knew being out in the dark in a place like this was not a good idea, even with his gem powers. He frowned 'Well, Steven, this is the life you decided to live, it's better than to be with them...' He sighed, that was true.

Steven spotted a building with broken and missing glass, the door open, he decided that would work. He as soon as he walked into the building he was welcomed by it's nearly pitch black interior. He didn't even remember packing a flashlight. He took a few more steps in waiting for his eyes to adjust. After they adjusted he could see more clearly the was a staircase in a corner, and the rest had trash strewn about. It was better than nothing, plus it was almost dark anyway.

Once Lion came in Steven pulled out his sleeping bag and set up for the night. His favorite feline curled up next to him and they slept. Once he closed his eyes he felt that he opened them in another world, with pink light surrounding him. Pink rose petals floated gently past him to the water he just noticed below. It looked just like the water or Rose Quartz's fountain. The water was soon covered with the petals so you had to concentrate to see any water at all. So peaceful, maybe he'd sleep well tonight with no nightmares of the gems or anything. And no Rose Quartz.

Suddenly he fell from the air plunging deep into the water, he tried to swim up but felt a sharp pain in his side. He looked to see what it was, he looked gasped drawing water into his lungs. Pearl's face was scowling at him her spear was deeply embedded in him all the way to the haft. His vision blurred and his eyes closed, everything was so heavy. Steven woke up with a start, jumping out of his sleeping bag and forming a protective bubble around him. He saw a bright light shining on his face. Fear gripped him, was it one of the gems, he looked around for Lion but he was gone. Must have gone hunting for something.

"Who's there?" Steven said his voice wavering, as the fear wrapped around him. The person who held the light shined it on their face. He saw a female with her hair up and an officer cap. He would talk to her then, grab his sleeping bag and leave. Lion could find him. Before he could plan anything she replied.

"What was that bubble thing?" She was clearly shocked, his story was that he was leaving a group of others with super powers like him because he wanted to do his own thing. Yes, that would work. It was mostly true, but he couldn't tell her everything, he was a gem and she a human. He stopped at that though. He was half gem, half human, nothing like Rose Quartz.

"It's my shield, a natural reflex sorry," 'play it cool,' he thought to himself. He smiled, 'friendly as well, but also show that you can handle yourself,' "Did I hurt you humans can be so fragile... officer right?" Tell her you aren't human, and that will help you. 'Maybe you could tell her you're one hundred years old,' he waved, where was Lion? He needed him for the safest escape.

"You're not human?" She said fear in her voice this time, he could see her shack the flash light helped light the entire area. He walked back to his sleeping bag and sat down. 'Be relaxed, and reassuring,' Steven though, he was being very calculative, one of his newest attributes, one of which he didn't like.

"No I'm not, but you don't have to believe me. I can prove it." He said summoning his shield, it glowed in the dark area, he ran to the other side of the room with his running ability and then thought of his happiest times to float. It went perfectly he kicked the walk a floated back to where he began, with a now awestruck officer, looking at him. Steven sat back down waiting for a response, when there was none for a while he responded to himself, "I know I'm not supposed to sleep in an abandoned building and stuff like that, but there isn't a place for me currently."

He smiled when Lion warped open an area into the room and made the officer faint. Well, that was way easier than he could have hoped, he threw the sleeping bag into Lion, not even folding it. He needed to move and find a better place to sleep. This time hopefully no one would disturb him, he frowned another night of terrible sleep. He left with Lion, walking the streets once more. He already saw the hint of gray that meant dawn was coming soon. He had no time to sleep, looks like he had an entire day ahead of him to find a new place to live in Salt Lake City. Steven decides that this was the best place to live, because, well, he didn't want to move again. And memorizing the streets of a city would be great, and he wouldn't have to worry about truancy in two more weeks because of summer.

He walked around enjoying the golden hues of dawn, and the color it made everything. It was peaceful, slightly improving his mood, as he walked past the worn out warehouse and factory buildings, old, but still in use. Steven sighed, he was tired of this wondering, this wasn't a good idea. Maybe he could put this in the Mistakes of Steven Universe folder as if it wasn't filled up already. No there was no turning back the gems were probably angry with him, there was no way he was going back. Lion soon left his side, only after he took a few dimes so he could call her on a payphone. Now he just needed to find one, she would be up by now getting ready, maybe he could call his dad? No, he didn't need to make that mistake, he would call Connie.

After wondering for a while he found the payphone he saw yesterday and dialed Connie's house number. Her mom answered.

"This is Priyanka Maheswaran speaking,"

"Hey it's Steven Universe, may I speak to Connie?" Steven frowned he hoped he didn't waste his money.

"Steven Universe... Where are you?" Steven's gut churned she must know he ran away. He should hang up. No! He needed to talk to Connie, 'play it cool Steven,' he smiled.

"In Idaho, Mrs. Maheswaran, can I please speak to Connie?"

"Connie told me you ran away, Steven." He could hear her sigh, he almost laughed chewed out my Connie's mom and now that Connie told her mother he may not be able to be friends with her. 'Just play it cool,' he reminded himself.

"I know, but... can I at least say hi?" He was upset that he couldn't talk to her, he could say that he's fine and found a place to live and everything like that.

"I don't want my daughter getting any ideas from you Steven." She hung up. He wanted to scream, tears rolled down his face he just wanted to go home. He just wanted things to be normal again, he never could go home now. The gems what would he tell them what would he do? He gently put the phone back on it holder. He might need to use it again. He realized his hand made contact with the glass protecting the payphone from the elements, it shattered. He then ripped the from of the wall that once held the glass, he bent the steel and walked away not bothering to care for a hurt hand. Ignoring the people staring at him, it was time to go home. After all, this running all these nightmares, he could care less about what the gems were going to do. Nothing mattered, but not hurting Connie, maybe it was for the best that he stay away from her. He wasn't strong enough after he broke out of jail, he needs to be strong enough now.

He found the park they were at yesterday, staying there till noon for Lion to show up with a dead animal of some sort in his mouth. He waited for Lion to finish before asking to go home. "Lion it's time to go home, I know I said I was never going back but, this is not what I wanted." After listening to Steven he got up and was waiting for him to get on. Steven got on Lion's back and was welcomed with the sight of a familiar beach.

The house he once lived in stared down at him, his heart raced, his mouth went dry. It was then he noticed that he wasn't very clean. He sighed, no time to worry about things like that, What would they do? He stole around three hundred dollars from his dad and packed away half his room with him. Lion sat behind him, waiting. He couldn't just walk there, the tasked seemed monumental. He felt light headed, he needed to breathe. After another eternity later he, he gasped for air and sighed it out. He walked forward a few steps, now he was at the bottom of the stairs.

The stairs seemed to be growing longer, but he still forced himself up there, dread like lead weighing him down. He could hear them talking, they were all stating where they had looked for Steven. What would he say when he walked in what should he do? It was entirely unpredictable what they would do, and that terrified him. He was halfway up the stairs and he felt like he couldn't go anymore, it was like he was walking to his death. He wasn't though, he reminded himself of that. Steven would survive whatever happened, they gems could do anything and he would survive. He knew they would never hurt him.

He sighed it was very reassuring but he walked up the stairs till he reaches the very top. He pushed open the screen door the squeak giving away his presence. Steven stared at the gems while they stared at him, the silence was more crushing than if all of them angrily yelled at him. Pearl look relieved, Amethyst happy, and his dad, sad. Garnet, he couldn't tell what Garnet felt like, she never betrayed anything. He needed to say something anything...

"I decide that maybe running away wasn't one of the best ideas I've had," He said sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. Every muscle in his body was tensed up and he could bare them looking at him anymore. He felt the urge for him cry and forced it back. 'No crying Steven, play it cool then it will turn out okay.'

"Steven," he relaxed even though Garnet said it, he was glad that there was no more silence. He noticed that the gem opened her mouth to say more but it was immediately closed. Was nothing going to be the same again? He knew that the answer was no, but he hoped everything would turn back to the way it was, where everything was peaceful. He knew that his own mistakes lead to this outcome but there were so many things that he could have done to change it. Yet every time he took the wrong turn every time he made things worse. He should have been happy with the way things were, instead of attempting to change them.

"Steven I'm glad your back but we have some things to talk about," Greg looked concerned and motioned him to sit next to him. There was only one space left, and it was left for him. He slowly walked to the seat and hesitated before sitting. "Steven, why did you run away you know we love you right?" Steven didn't want to hurt his dad but he ended up doing it anyway. What was he going to tell the gems? Nothing he would force them all to resume life just like it was before, everything would be fine.

"Let's just put this all behind us and leave it alone. All that matters now is that I'm back and, well that's it." That wasn't as though out as he would have wanted, but it would have to do. Steven hoped and prayed that they would just drop what had happened and let it be in the past. He was home, and he was fine with that. 'Am I though,' Steven stated, no he was he needed to be.

"Dude, after everything I don't think we can," this time it was Amethyst, now the only one who needed to speak was Pearl. No doubt she'd make herself next. He frowned at what she said though. If they were going to play it that way he would just refuse to talk to them. 'Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! They won't ever drop this topic. I can just not say anything, no, that would be another mistake.'

"She's right Steven, we can't just leave it like this, we need to know what's been bothering you so much as to," Pearl stopped herself when Steven glared daggers at her. This isn't what he wanted at all, why had he dragged himself into this situation, all because he didn't want to face his problems, always trying to find a way out, always making things worse. Not today he knew there was no way to get out of what he'd put himself into. He'd tell them everything except for him cutting. That would crush them, he never wanted to hurt anyone, instead, he hurt everyone. He failed at everything, but this was something he was going to fail at.

Tears welled up in his eyes before they slid down his face. This was too difficult he couldn't do this! 'I must do this there is no other way. I have to, he wished everything could be the same, they could have a together breakfast, again. Maybe not, that monster was scary.' Soon after that, he got himself back on his topic. Confession. He forced the tears to stop, even though his through still ached he began, "I know this may sound silly but, I've always been jealous of Rose Quartz."

The gems, except Garnet, were surprised that he called her Rose Quartz and not mother, or anything like that. Pearl noticed in more detail the rift between him and his mother. But Steven had an idea in his head, 'I know what will make everything right again, I'll be everything they want me to be. I'll be her.' Silence was all that was until he continued explaining everything. From start to end, not leaving out anything except what they could not bare. Everything would be normal again, and everyone would be happy, but him. That's the way in needed to be.

When he was finished everyone just stared at him, he even explained why he was angry with Garnet. That one was upsetting to her specifically, he saw her frown and not angrily. Everyone felt like they were the one to blame when he was finished and he knew he had to hurt them a little to not hurt them a lot. Everything was going to be fine, he was going to take care of them and protect them from how he felt. No one should bare his burden, he cared Rose Quartz's and now his own. He knew that was impossible to bare and that's what he had to do, bare them.

"Let's not talk about this anymore," Steven said, knowing they'd finally get off his case. He was a little hungry maybe Pearl could make something, anyway they'd figure something out. Plus, they would step carefully around him. Pearl smiled.

"I think Greg, you could go get pizza and tell them to spread the word that Steven's back," Steven contained his displeasure at the fact that they told beach city that he ran away. More problems for him to deal with. He would take care of everything, it would just take time, he would be perfection for them even if he had to die to do it. Steven knew just exactly what 'perfection' they wanted him to be.

"That sounds good," He said feigning happiness, he was getting go at pretending. He would be everything they wanted him to be when he was grown. After Greg left it was silent, no one wanted to say anything, and no one to bother him. He needed to say something to them make they happier, "You guys did nothing wrong you know." Perfection.

"Steven we should have done something, we should have—" Amethyst blurted before she was interrupted by Steven.

"You guys did nothing wrong and that's how I see it so please just," He didn't need to finish that Steven knew they understood. He smiled at them it was going to be a long time before things were normal again, a very stressful time. He should have just never come back now he was going to do something that he hated. He hoped he made the right decision this time.

There was silence until Greg came back, all the time he was uncomfortably aware of Garnet's eyes drilling into his head. He just couldn't talk to her, maybe in private but. He needed to apologize make things right again, everything would be okay. Why did he need to remind himself that? They everyone but Garnet and Steven idly chatted, though Pearl just talked. Steven should tell Connie that he came home. He would have to wait till she came home and that was a few hours away.

Greg soon left to take care of the car wash, and Garnet told Pearl and Amethyst that she wanted to talk to Steven alone. He tensed when he heard that, he just couldn't talk to her yet, 'Steven you need to be like Rose, she wouldn't avoid this,' he reminded himself, he didn't want to do this.

"Steven," Garnet said motioning him to sit with her on the couch, he was beginning not to like sitting there. He just needed to deal with this, as much as it scared, annoyed, or whatever emotion he had, he needed to do this. It wasn't a choice, but he could just walk away and not, "Steven are you going to sit?" Garnet said noticing he was looking at the door. He sighed and sat next to her, dread filled him.

"Garnet, I'm sorry I shouldn't have been so mean to you," He said nervously, he didn't want to do this...

"Steven, I..."She had no words, she didn't have any since he told them everything, and she just wanted to hug him and make everything better. Bring everything back to normal. She noticed how nervous Steven was, and relaxed, it was going to be okay. "Just know even after what you did you aren't in trouble, it's our faults."

Steven frowned at that, it was his fault, he was the one who made all the mistakes. His fault! He laughed, "How could this possibly be your fault?" He then noticed he was crying, he had cried too much today, but he didn't care right now. "I made the mistakes leading up to this."

Garnet was crushed by this, he did nothing wrong but wanting to be happy, and not having things forced on him. She did nothing wrong he could have come to her! She was in the fault here, it was her fault and she knew it. No, she couldn't have predicted this! This was her fault, she couldn't do anything. Steven was hurt because of her incompetence. She was about to cry when her fusion destabilized, and she split up.

"This is all our fault!" Seeth ruby, ground smoldering around her. She was glaring at Sapphire, tapping her foot. Steven was even more upset with himself, he caused them to unfuse. He got up and slammed the door and sat on the beach he wasn't going to bother them. They'd make up if he wasn't there.

"Ruby, it isn't our fault. But it's best if we go talk to him now before he runs off again. I day that it's a fifty-fifty chance currently." Sapphire said monotonously, getting up and floating towards the door. Ruby soon followed and gave a sigh of relief to see Steven laying on the beach. They both laid down next to him, nothing was said for what felt like for years.

"I'm not Rose Quartz," He said tearing up. He didn't want to be her but, they did that was upset him the most. Even when he was trying to be her, he causes problems, he caused them to unfuse. "Even when I try to be her I cause problems. I even tough about dyeing my hair pink once." Tears streamed down his face, this always useless. He wanted to just be himself, but that now was such an abstract concept. All his life he wanted to be her trying to. They only time he didn't was when he ran away, that was his only freedom, and he gave it up. He should just leave, Lion still had everything in his mane. No, he just needs to stay here and be Rose Quartz, for the gems, no matter how much it hurt he needed to be her.

"Steven, ugh!" Ruby said frustrated, "We don't care that you're not Rose Quartz, Steven just be you." Ruby said, proud of how she said it, she may not be the smartest but, she thought that was said well. She didn't even use future vision to help.

"I agree with Ruby, be yourself, Steven." The cold blue gem said, he couldn't tell anything from her, it was almost like she had no emotion. Steven had met her before, though it was rare to see Garnet unfused. It was a little uncomfortable to feel the heat radiating of Ruby and then the chill that came for her counterpart.

"You want the truth," Steven sighed, before continuing, "All my life I've tried to be her. That was my only goal, I never wanted anything else but that. But recently I found out something she did, I know she had to but... I don't want to be her. Rose Quartz is the last person I would ever want to be." Steven said looking at the clouds overhead, it felt good to open up himself to people. Why hadn't he ever done this to other people before?

"Steven, you never had to be Rose Quartz," Ruby said frowning, there were still thing he hadn't told them even in that long discussion. She wished Garnet was back already she couldn't bare being unfused with Sapphire.

"You know Steven It's funny I never foresaw this," Sapphire said, as neutral as ever. He wanted Garnet back, it was awkward with these two. How would he say it, Steven Style? How could he be Steven anyway, all his life he tried to someone else, now he didn't know who to be.

"Could you two become Garnet again?" He asked he hoped it sounded right to them. Even though he felt jealous of Garnet always having someone to talk to, didn't mean he didn't want her around. He would be happy even to have her back, it's easier to talk to one person than two. Be he was glad that they were there anyway. Maybe things would get better for him, things may never be normal again, but they could always get better. Steven smiled, 'It will get better.'

Sorry it took so long to get out, forgive me and my lazyness. ._.


End file.
